I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
