i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm always down for nudity.
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