so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
