I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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