she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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