He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
