So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
