Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
