Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
