I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
