We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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