It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
