Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
