Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
