so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
