Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
