im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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