Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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