we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
