brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
