I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
