One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I cockslap morals
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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