u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
