hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
