I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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