i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
