You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
