I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize