your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
