Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
