i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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