the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
