I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
