She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize