Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
