I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
