I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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