Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
