So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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