Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
