i barfeds in our rink
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize