I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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