Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
