I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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