you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
