Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
