yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
