So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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