Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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