please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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