I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
