The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
