Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
