actually, I'm a sock model
This house was built for laser tag.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
