I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
