im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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