Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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