Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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