I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
