a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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