I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
