she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
