why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
