i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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