looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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