one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
