I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
