yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize