Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
