i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my liver is dry heaving
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
