He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
