K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
