Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
