The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
