Plan B is the new Plan A
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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